Thursday, February 24, 2005

Making a spectacle of myself

I am sitting at work wearing my glasses. I NEVER wear my glasses. Since the day I bought my first pair of contact lenses (over 20 years ago?!) I have been a strictly lens-only girl. I wear my specs for the 5 minutes it takes me to get out of bed, nip to the loo and get to the bathroom to put the lenses in. Then again, for the 5 minutes at night that it takes me to do the same rigmarole, just in reverse.

But today I have come into work wearing my glasses. People are looking at me a little funny. I think they must be trying to work out what's different. And I'm amazed how strange everything looks with specs on. First off, I have forgotten how annoying glasses are. They steamed up the minute I got on the train. Then the rain spattered them. And now, sitting at my desk, I'm very aware that I have absolutely no peripheral vision. If I stare at my screen reading my work emails (okay, surfing amazon and ebay) I can't see anything going on around me. It's actually quite unnerving. And for those who don't know me, let me tell you that my eyesight is terrible. Without my lenses in, I can't see a face a meter away from me. Let alone whose face it is. So to lose all peripheral vision is a bit of a bloody handicap.

However, I am at work in glasses. For the simple reason that my lenses refused point blank to sit in my eyes this morning. I wear daily disposables (for which, read THE best thing since sliced bread) and I never have trouble getting them in. I sleep in them. Swim in them. Everything. But not today. The little buggers just weren't having it and I had to admit defeat.

Truth is, I think my eyes are just too knackered and fancy a rest. Thing is, so do I. I have been sleeping really badly. People who know how bad my eyesight is will probably know why. But I have been advised by my legal team not to go into details here. Nuff said. Anyway, for one reason or another (well, one reason…) I'm not sleeping too well. And I need my sleep. If I don't get my 8 hours I am hell to live with. So when I don't get enough sleep it's a BIG problem. I lie awake worrying (favourite pastime) about not being able to get to sleep. And the longer I lie there worrying the less likely it is I'll fall asleep. So I worry even more. Vicious circle.

After a fortnight of really poor sleep (I now have the bags to match my blue eyes) I decided to do something about it. So I went to Boots yesterday and bought some Nytol Herbal. I thought I'd give it a try. Can't hurt, can it? Turns out, it can. I had an even worse night after taking the Nytol than I did without. They didn't induce a restful night's sleep at all. They induced a fitful night's worry. First of all, I lay in bed worrying whether or not I should take them. Maybe I'll become addicted. Never be able to sleep without them. I'll be like one of those Valium mums who can't ever move house because they're tied to their GP/dealer. I'll become a Nytol addict for the rest of my life. When it's late, and you're tired, and panicking, you lose all sense of proportion. You forget that the likelihood of becoming addicted to Nytol herbal is about the same as becoming addicted to Halib Orange. Eventually though, reason prevails and I decide to bite the bullet. Only they are rather larger than bullets. They are in fact the size of horse tablets. But when you're warm in bed you can't be faffed getting out again to get a glass of water. So I swallowed them neat. The first one slipped down fine. The second lodged itself half way down my throat and just, sort of, sat there. I lay in bed, eyes wide open, panicking that I was going to choke in my sleep. They'll do the post-mortem and find a half digested Nytol Herbal blocking my windpipe. (Is my panic habit becoming clearer?) Anyway, eventually, the bloody thing makes it's way down my windpipe and I can swallow without feeling it scratching against my throat. So I can finally get some sleep.

Suddenly, SHIT! Scrappino has hockey in the morning. Must get to school by 8 am. What if I sleep so well I don't hear the alarm?? Should I make the buzzer louder to make sure? Yes, let's do that. Okay, the buzzer is really loud now. Can't possibly sleep through that. But is it definitely set for the right time? Better check. Okay, alarm is set properly. Calm down. So no worries now. Just lying there nicely. Warm and snuggly. Ready for a good night's sleep. Lovely. No worries.

And actually, bless them, I did sleep really well. Woke up feeling like I'd slept for weeks. Only one problem - my eyes are red raw and sore as. I think they were so rested they just didn't fancy waking up with the rest of me. So they are refusing to accept the lenses. And I've had to come to work in glasses.

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