Friday, April 15, 2005

Dilemma of the week

Have you read The Dice Man? It's excellent. In a nutshell, the author, one Luke Rhinehart, decides that he's made such a cock-up of his life so far that he's not going to trust his own judgement on any future decisions. Instead, he decides to be guided purely by the luck of the dice. And so begins his journey. He gives himself six options (give up job, buy plane ticket to Peru, beat up girlfriend, etc) and throws the dice. He promises to be guided by the luck of the dice and accepts whatever the dice choose. Whatever number the dice land on, that's the course of action he takes.

It's a wonderfully scary and very entertaining read. But I mention it here because I am wondering whether or not a similar course of action might be suitable for me. I have spent the last week trying to make a decision about something but am very wary to trust my own judgement.

Let me explain. As has now become clear to all readers of this blog, I have not had the most successful track record in dating men. In fact, it's been nothing short of a shambolic fiasco. The ones I like don't call. The ones I don’t, do. The ones I really like are already married. The ones I marry, well, you get the point. The truth is that, when it comes to dating man, I have an uncanny knack of choosing wrong. I simply cannot be trusted to make the right choice. My judgement has been relied upon in the past, and has been found wanting.

Now, I'm not saying that Luke Rhinehart's method would be any more suitable. Juggling six potential options is far too terrifying a thought to realistically consider. So, throwing the dice is not an option. (Which is just as well. Despite owning heaps of board games and backgammon sets, I can never find a dice when I need one. Every time we play Monopoly, Scrappino and I have to trawl through every box of Cleudo, Buckaneer and Yahtzee just to find the bloody thing. And yet, when I'm getting dressed in a hurry and putting my shoes on while running out the front door, there's always a fecking dice in the bottom of my shoe that digs into my foot all the way to station.)

No, I am going to have to settle for a more simple yes/no situation. A straightforward "do I" or "don't I". And here's where you come in. After fielding advice from friends and acquaintances over the past week - and after receiving some unsolicited advice on the matter too - I have decided to open the field to readers of this blog. What I need is a bit of audience participation.

So, here is the dilemma. The question that I have been struggling with all week and which I cannot trust myself to answer on my own.

Do I email the nice lawyer that I met at the wedding in Texas? (If you don't know who I'm talking about, what were you up to when I wrote this?) MS advises yes. CK says absolutely not. The situation is as follows: we met at the wedding. I made him laugh out loud. He convinced me to dance in public. So a good start all round. Before he left, he took my number (mobile, naturally,) and said we'd "hook up" in London. (Don't let the awful Americanism sway your vote, he was only American-ish.)

Well, I've now been back in the UK for two weeks and still no call. No txt. Nothing. What's a girl to do? No, really, that's not a rhetorical question. What am I to do? To put it bluntly, do I email this guy or not??

By way of background I should point out that he didn't actually give me his email address. But I Googled him on my first day back and within minutes I'd located his work email. So it wouldn't be too difficult to send him a quick "Let's hook up" message. But, as with every decision, there are pros and cons. These can be clearly outlined in the following table. Obsessive? Moi?

[For some reason, unknown to me, you have to scroll down a bit for the table. Don't ask me why. I'm new to this web thing. But my HTML man is on the case and normal formatting will be restored as soon as....]

Sending an email would be a pro-active thing to do and would show that I am an independent, confidant woman who is genuinely keen on meeting him againHe didn't give me his email address so he'll know that I Googled him to find it. This will make me look pushy and desperate. And borders on stalking.
His email was listed on a public access website so it can't be a private one restricted for personal use.The message will be read by his secretary, his PA, his trainees and a myriad other minions. But possibly not by him.
Maybe he lost my phone number and would be delighted to receive a message from me.Who am I kidding?
Nothing ventured nothing gainedNo (wo)man no cry
I have absolutely nothing to loseExcept self-esteem, dignity and pride.
I would actually be doing something, other than wallowing in self-obsessed what-ifs and maybes.Self-obsession is not all bad. And what-ifs and maybes beat out-and-out rejection every time.

So there we have it. One decision. Six compelling arguments for and against. Enough to throw a dice and let lady luck decide. If I could only find one. (Where the hell is that box of Sorry?)


Anonymous Baldricka said...

Go for it! What have you got to lose? Worst case scenario he's not interested, at least you know for definate rather than wondering for ages and regretting not being proactive! Best case scenario....well, who knows! Good Luck!

7:39 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whatever you decide and whatever the outcome it must be your decision.

Perhaps you may be wise to make a choice and then do the opposite.

Good luck with whatever choice you make.

3:38 pm  
Anonymous P in the USA said...

Just got to your blog - have you considered a magic 8 ball?

8:29 am  

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